Two Revs Productions

Fear, Trust & Power: Embracing Clergy Friendships

As clergy members, we are called to a life of servant leadership, and this requires trust in our relationships with others. However, one piece of advice I continue to hear and seems to be coming up frequently, especially now as Bishop Sue Haupert-Johnson has asked clergy to nominate potential District Superintendents, is to be careful about our friendships and colleagues because one day – they might become our bosses. Now, let me make this clear: I have heard this same sentiment not only about the potential shifts in DS but also about “good” appointments, conference staff positions, and members of the Board of Ordained Ministry. Really, anything that people aspire to within our connection!

Whenever I encounter these statements, I find it difficult to accept them due to their weak theological foundation. Aren’t we, as Methodists, supposed to embody the principles of Societies, Classes, and Bands? Shouldn’t we prioritize caring for and looking out for one another in the spirit of Christian love? Hasn’t our historic church always fostered an environment of openness and vulnerability? A place where we are encouraged to share our struggles, flaws, pains, patterns, and obstacles, all united in our pursuit of transformation. So, what has caused this shift?

Well… I would offer that what has shifted is our understanding of trust. We are afraid to trust. We are scared to invest in relationships with the possibility of outcomes we don’t always control or cannot see. This is evident in our fears, such as the fear of a friend becoming our boss, the concern about who we associate with, and the constant desire for information on who holds power.

This idea, advice, and thinking is arguably outdated and counterproductive to our mission as Christ-centered individuals – not to mention just wrong. I want to explore why we should trust our friends and colleagues and not be afraid of them becoming our boss – even if it’s in the role of our supervision.

Extending Grace:

First and foremost, as clergy members, we are called to extend grace and forgiveness to those around us. This includes our friends and colleagues who may one day hold positions of power over us. If we can’t find it within ourselves to forgive and trust those closest to us, how can we expect to extend that same grace to others in our communities? Our relationships with colleagues and friends are based on trust and mutual respect, and we mustn’t let fear of the future undermine those bonds. After all, as Christians, we believe that transformation is possible, and we should be willing to think that our friends and colleagues are capable of change. We should also have faith in their ability to navigate a dual relationship should we find ourselves in a different situation in the future.

Isolation isn’t the Answer: 

Secondly, worrying about our friends and colleagues becoming our bosses can be paralyzing and prevent us from forming close and meaningful relationships in the workplace. I say this because, as clergy, we talk a lot about the isolation of ministry. Why should we self-impose more isolation for the love of all things holy? 

Instead of focusing on the “what ifs,” we should invest in our relationships with those around us and build trust. We can do this by being transparent in our communication and actions and by seeking to understand the perspectives of those around us. Doing so creates a more positive and productive work environment, regardless of who holds what position.

Model Trust

Thirdly, as pastors and church leaders, we should model the behavior we want to see in our communities. If we can’t trust and extend grace to those closest to us, how can we expect others to trust and forgive their peers? As clergy members, we have a unique opportunity to set an example for those around us, including building and maintaining close relationships with those we work with. By modeling trust and grace, we create a culture of compassion, forgiveness, and accountability in our workplaces and communities.

It’s important to remember that the likelihood of our friends and colleagues becoming our bosses is relatively tiny. It’s more common for people to move on to other careers, take a different path, serve a neighboring church, or retire altogether. This shouldn’t stop us from investing in our relationships and building trust with those around us. Confidence and grace form the bedrock of our faith, serving as guiding principles for all our interactions. It is crucial to prioritize these values rather than being swayed by misguided theology and the cautionary “better watch out” advice.

Trusting our friends and colleagues is essential to living out our faith as pastors and leaders in our churches and communities. We must be willing to extend grace, build meaningful relationships, and model the behavior we want to see in others. Worrying about our friends and colleagues becoming our superiors, getting promoted to coveted positions, or serving on influential committees only breeds unnecessary fear. It also undermines the trust and respect crucial to individual and collective success. Instead, let us place our trust in those closest to us. By doing so, we can cultivate a workplace culture that embodies compassion, forgiveness, and accountability – qualities at the heart of a Christ-centered life.